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18 August 2006
Short Talk:
I had a great day today.
I had a great day watching Amber Chia gyrating and screaming madly in bed. Hohoho. :)
Made-In-China DVDs
I should have written about this a long time ago, but I completely forgotten about it until I was looking through my photo archives earlier today.
Remember I was in Shanghai a few months back? The wonderful land that gave us horny parsleys and other bad Engrish has, in my mind, the most fascinating supermarket DVD section in the world.
I was randomly browsing for some DVDs at this huge supermarket called TrustMart in suburban Shanghai, when I noticed that something doesn't quite fit in. For a start they have a children's CD section.
Then RIGHT NEXT TO IT is the sex video collection.
Not sure if they're trying to promote impulse buying, but I don't think a lot of people is gonna go there, buy a sex instructional video, then go "Hmmm... maybe I should plan ahead and get a children's CD while I'm at it."
The thing that caught my attention, was the cover of this DVD.
I've never heard of the movie The Lost World. I know Jurassic Park 2 is also called The Lost World, but the cover's not like that at all. In fact, this one doesn't even look like a movie.
It looks more like some sorta computer game. World of Warcraft maybe?
I must've missed the period when long eyebrows was in fashion.
Then as I continue browsing, I became more and more suspicious.
I spotted another DVD called Crus of the Aders, which is another movie title not many people has heard of.
But hang on, doesn't the way the man poses and holds his sword reminds you of another more recent movie?
Specifically, Kingdom of Heaven starring everyone's favourite broom stick - Orlando Broom?
OMG. As if it's not bad enough selling sex videos in a supermarket, they flipped Orlando Broom's head and made him ugly!
Blasphemy! Will somebody please think of the 13-to-14-year-old teenage girls!
If you think those were bad, it's nothing compared to this one.
The thing that REALLY took the cake, was when I saw hot Asian starlet Shu Qi on YET ANOTHER DVD I've never seen before.
When's the last time Shu Qi appeared in a movie that require her to hold a bow and arrow in a 17th century rag?
Or is it even a 17th century flick? Because if you look close enough, you could see aeroplanes in the background of that DVD.
And if you look REALLY close, you might think to yourself, "Hey, I've seen this somewhere before."
And you'd be right.
They photoshopped Shu Qi's face onto Keira Knightley's body!
And they even gave her a digital boob job while they're at it.
How considerate!
:: Posted by Kenny at 8:10 AM | Link | Facebook It
:: Categorised as 'Out of the Ordinary'
91 Comments:
grow up pls...u think throw joss stick during CNY izzit?
Posted by: grow_up_pls at 18 August 2006 8:23 AM | Link to comment
Lolx. The digital boobs thing is funny!
Posted by: Hiro at 18 August 2006 8:23 AM | Link to comment
You very the observant wan, Kenny.
Posted by: pablopabla at 18 August 2006 8:31 AM | Link to comment
aiyo... so cheapo lame wan ..jiak lat.. some more still not ashamed about it .. tsk tsk tsk. I'm surprised u din check out their medicinal/sex/health products or come across some really weird ones... I'm sure they have stuff for everything, even the weirdest part of the anatomy and give diehard guarantees. hehhe.. interesting to see what they can come up with ;)
Posted by: rozzy at 18 August 2006 8:33 AM | Link to comment
LOL dont tell me u did not buy a few to vet them thoroughly~ :) all in the name of research of course
Posted by: EM5 at 18 August 2006 8:40 AM | Link to comment
It happens in Sarawak. All the dvd's u notice will have some other movie or stuffs on it. Sometimes u got Steven Seagal with Rambo... *haiz*...
Posted by: iB6uB9 at 18 August 2006 8:56 AM | Link to comment
where is the place?
Posted by: eds at 18 August 2006 8:56 AM | Link to comment
Crus of the Aders...hahahahahaa ha.
Posted by: Kurt at 18 August 2006 9:21 AM | Link to comment
For once, i would really like to visit China just for the sake of their imitations of others! Darn it! They always come out with some weirdo names that none of the homosapiens on earth have heard about. I wonder if they're having geniuses or idiots working in a room just to come out with those names
Posted by: OL at 18 August 2006 9:32 AM | Link to comment
Crus of the Aders??? Wuahahahahahahahahahha....
Posted by: ThRoB at 18 August 2006 9:58 AM | Link to comment
Crusaders?
Posted by: naVICgaTOR at 18 August 2006 10:07 AM | Link to comment
ive just stumbled with your blog.. and i think your really funny.. thanks for putting a smile on my face.. i badly need it..
Posted by: pol.b at 18 August 2006 10:13 AM | Link to comment
That is hilarious....Ha Ha ha ha HA ha ok that's it.
Posted by: Crunk Juice at 18 August 2006 10:27 AM | Link to comment
Woah....
O_o
Did you buy any of those DVDs though?
Posted by: Jq_tan at 18 August 2006 10:28 AM | Link to comment
did u meet amber chia in kuching?
Posted by: ting at 18 August 2006 10:33 AM | Link to comment
you are indeed a great blogger. always making me laugh. keep it up!
Posted by: agnes at 18 August 2006 10:34 AM | Link to comment
wth .....?
Posted by: herman at 18 August 2006 10:41 AM | Link to comment
btw, sir arthur conan doyle really written a book titled " the lost word " , complete with dinasours. Never seen the movie though.
Posted by: herman at 18 August 2006 10:43 AM | Link to comment
that super nice DVD romp man !
you rock us again !
Posted by: benjamin and yus at 18 August 2006 11:00 AM | Link to comment
Wow, they really RIP Hollywood OFF.
Pretty good at it too!
Posted by: Suraya at 18 August 2006 11:10 AM | Link to comment
LOL there's even Arwen's face (or an imitation of it) on the top left corner of the 'Crus of the Aders' DVD...
Posted by: jingjing at 18 August 2006 11:11 AM | Link to comment
Wait... so are those adult DVDs?
They could be real adult dvds imported from USA, those have been known to do such things... :)
Posted by: Anon Scaredycat at 18 August 2006 11:11 AM | Link to comment
I'm curious what's in the DVDs? They can't possibly cue Shu Qi's head in the whole 1hr plus movie eh? And.. are those porn? :p
Posted by: Nonnie at 18 August 2006 11:15 AM | Link to comment
i have to commend them on the very creative movie titles lol
Posted by: alex at 18 August 2006 11:16 AM | Link to comment
Ha ha, very good observations Kenny!
Posted by: vidar at 18 August 2006 11:55 AM | Link to comment
Err, is it the movie is the same? Or something else?
Posted by: ~TheAngel~ at 18 August 2006 12:03 PM | Link to comment
They gave Shu Qi a shiny arm pitt as well!
Posted by: JY at 18 August 2006 12:12 PM | Link to comment
China is the best. That's what we called creativity!
Posted by: index.SG.googlepages.com at 18 August 2006 12:17 PM | Link to comment
Hilarious!
Actually Orlando Bloom looks more like a mop than a broom stick..
Posted by: J.A.S.H at 18 August 2006 12:30 PM | Link to comment
Heh. That Crus of the Aders one also features Arwen top left. lol
Posted by: cameron at 18 August 2006 12:30 PM | Link to comment
Is it just me, or does Orlando not look like Orlando in the actual Kingdom of Heaven poster?
It's like they gathered a bunch of ten year olds who just learned to use Photoshop, a bunch of DVDs (and a couple of games) and locked them in a room.
Posted by: Crus of the Aders at 18 August 2006 12:51 PM | Link to comment
The Lost World by Sir Doyle is actually a TV series.
Kiera's boobs were digitally enhanced by the marketing people promoting the original movie, not Shu Qi's.
Link here
Posted by: Mandrake at 18 August 2006 1:06 PM | Link to comment
Seems like China has a very high piracy technology. I once bought a few pirated DVD of latest movies from china, the quality is very good if comparing to local market, seems like they emphasize very much on the quality too, haha...
Posted by: CloudSight at 18 August 2006 2:33 PM | Link to comment
@mandrake:
I think they further enhanced Keira's already enhanced breast.
Posted by: Chang Yang at 18 August 2006 2:50 PM | Link to comment
the lost world has been filmed into a series very long ago. it is a real existing show...
Posted by: faith at 18 August 2006 3:48 PM | Link to comment
I dun get it...what on earth would the movies be about??
Posted by: tigerkiller at 18 August 2006 4:27 PM | Link to comment
Amber Chia is really cheap as you can see, she's endorsing almost every single crap that there is... MOVE ON KENNY! You can stop bragging about meeting and knowing Amber Chia, and her English totally sux, we just find it very hard to respect people who don't know much English. Representing Malaysia internationally? Gosh I'm so embarrassed by her, imagine what foreigners will think! They must think all Malaysians speak sucky English, like how they think we still live on trees!
Learn English please Amber! Maybe those pre-school tapes next to the sex DVDs will help? Kenny you should have bought some for our nation's sake!
Posted by: Hot Chick at 18 August 2006 4:35 PM | Link to comment
Wah lau, giving the body of Keira Knightley to Shu Qi = breast reduction, man.
No, not reduction. More like breast removal.
Posted by: littlecartnoodles at 18 August 2006 5:13 PM | Link to comment
Hey, Crus of the Aders - apart from Kingdom of Heaven, there's Lord of The Rings, Arwen inside oh! Canggihnyer~
Posted by: Swee Ping at 18 August 2006 6:04 PM | Link to comment
i would have bought those few dvds thinking they are super new movies... :(
anyway, i can explain the rational for the adult and kids dvd bring close together.
stand at the kids section but look at the adults section... that way, people who walk around will say "wah, this guy very caring father la... buying dvd for his kids".
then when u spot the dvd u want (adult one), grab it and sandwich it between 2 kids dvd.
with this sort of arrangement, u sell 3 dvds! :)
Posted by: adriantai at 18 August 2006 6:57 PM | Link to comment
good observation.. =)
Posted by: hermione at 18 August 2006 7:00 PM | Link to comment
ahhaha, i saw some other comparisons in the forward mails before. China is really huge market to actually clone everything.
Posted by: cely at 18 August 2006 7:02 PM | Link to comment
Perfect...
I ripped off your picture of the rip-off and tracked back...
Great post...
L
Posted by: lonniebhodge at 18 August 2006 7:27 PM | Link to comment
I feel unjust for Keira Knightly.
Posted by: beanel at 18 August 2006 7:30 PM | Link to comment
eh so what exactly is in that dvd =X
Posted by: felicia at 18 August 2006 7:54 PM | Link to comment
Isn't that Liv Tyler's pic when she was in LOTR as Arwen? Like in the Kingdom of Heaven copycat dvd.
Posted by: Minz at 18 August 2006 8:05 PM | Link to comment
Did you notice at the top left hand corner of Crus of the Aders is Arwen from Lotr, otherwise known as Liv Tyler?
I'm confused. I wonder what movies are burned into those hybrid dvds.
O____o;
Posted by: Selfairy at 18 August 2006 8:28 PM | Link to comment
This is sickening.. I can't imagine how the stars like Orlando Bloom will react when they see this.. lol
Posted by: KahYing at 18 August 2006 8:42 PM | Link to comment
HAHHAHAHAHA this is really a piece of Art.....
Posted by: Lyn at 18 August 2006 8:48 PM | Link to comment
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Hmmm..one thing. What has "Aviation Goods" gotta do with the DVD? *lookin at the red sticker on Crus of the Aders*
Posted by: AntoniA at 18 August 2006 9:16 PM | Link to comment
wow, that's pretty cool, i'm from china and i've actually never noticed such things :P haha, what a change i guess...also, did you actually buy these DVDs? and watch them? see if they are actually the same movie, just a rip off cover, or a totally different movie. .....wow, imagine they just took the original movie and digitally edited the azn head on it through the movie, that'd be awesome
Posted by: andu at 18 August 2006 9:46 PM | Link to comment
NOO NOT MY ORLANDO BLOOOM
Posted by: Bluey at 18 August 2006 10:18 PM | Link to comment
crus of the aders is actually crusaders!
that's hilarious!!
Posted by: michette at 18 August 2006 10:18 PM | Link to comment
omigod! Dodgy man .. dodgy!!!
';P
Posted by: Fong at 18 August 2006 10:40 PM | Link to comment
I suppose this illustrates a genuine demand for Eurasian actresses.
Posted by: daniel at 18 August 2006 11:29 PM | Link to comment
Hey Kenny, can u tell me what's the codes for 'recent comments'. I wanna put em for my sidebar too. Easier to check for the latest comments as some of my friends commented on older posts. What were YOU doin on the set of Possessed anyway? ;)
Posted by: aileen at 19 August 2006 12:16 AM | Link to comment
lol u got my cracking up!
Posted by: jess at 19 August 2006 12:49 AM | Link to comment
its imitation brought to a new height~ Even eggs can be "chiong" one
Posted by: Alien at 19 August 2006 1:08 AM | Link to comment
damn creative. China gogogo! lol
Posted by: darying at 19 August 2006 1:10 AM | Link to comment
erm...just fyi.. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's The Lost World DOES exist. It's some series thing I think. It used to show on tv2, not sure if it still does. ahah. It's not a cheapskate ripoff movie thingy. =)
Posted by: me at 19 August 2006 2:08 AM | Link to comment
LOL!ROFL! *faint*
Posted by: Quinsy at 19 August 2006 2:35 AM | Link to comment
And KennySia does it again. This one should be archived Kenny's Classics. ;) TOgether with the super funny posts. Haha. THanks Kenny.
I'm curious though, what exactly is the movie that is contained in that "ori" disc, the one with the China laser stickers? Some shops in Melbourne sell the music cds with the laser stickers for a much higher price (when converted) when these cds prolly cost maybe bout 8-10 ringgit and in these shops they cost 20 AUD? Imagine the profit! heh
Posted by: Kuchingite27 at 19 August 2006 3:09 AM | Link to comment
It'd be great if you bought at least one of them. At least can see what's the content. Considering all the covers are fake...
Posted by: desperate addict at 19 August 2006 8:46 AM | Link to comment
Talk about combining children's videos with porn. I once saw "The Loin King." Not porno; a bad misspelling of "The Lion King."
Posted by: China Law Blog at 19 August 2006 9:02 AM | Link to comment
crus of the aders?
you mean CRUSADERS?
Posted by: leanne at 19 August 2006 12:15 PM | Link to comment
china's a pretty f-ed up country
Posted by: james at 19 August 2006 1:25 PM | Link to comment
I recognize the pictures on the porn DVD that the arrow is pointing at, they're Thai girls from a certain softcore magazine that I used to look at.
Oh, and I don't know if Chinese movies pirate content as much as they do on the covers, as Indian movies would do the same for their soundtracks. Heard Last of the Mohicans and Terminator music on one filming in the span of ten minutes.
Posted by: Unladen Swallow at 19 August 2006 6:32 PM | Link to comment
kenny,
amburr "gyrating and screaming madly" chiar is bujang again.
http://thestar.com.my/lifestyle/story.asp?file=/2006/8/19/lifefocus/15183460&sec=lifefocus
you in-tur-rus-stud orr nott?
btw, her ex-bf ordered her to take engrish classes to improve her engrish. guess the language school is prob feeling nervous in case she gives them free publicity
Posted by: lulu at 19 August 2006 8:49 PM | Link to comment
aiseh.
Shu Qi.
i wonder wats the content in those DVDs.
Posted by: balitong at 19 August 2006 10:48 PM | Link to comment
wah.......like this oso can ar?
Posted by: Logica at 19 August 2006 11:25 PM | Link to comment
speakin abt engrishh.. check out this japanese donut webbie.. [d engrish is really like those on the japanese stationaries]
http://www.misterdonut.jp/
examples:
= penguins are "pingoo"
= "It is possible and building is tasty, you can enjoy the store of nationwide any."
= "In coffee me of popularity, the ice appears! Therefore exact future in season, by all means please in the doughnut and simultaneous."
Posted by: odette at 20 August 2006 12:23 AM | Link to comment
Someone jusy came to my site because they Yahoo searched for Crus of the Aders. I went to the Yahoo search page and found, in addition to you (and me courtesy of you), that there is a download available for the same flick, same cover....
Ah, China....
Posted by: lonniebhodge at 20 August 2006 1:58 AM | Link to comment
But, I still don't understand why they have to go through the trouble of magling the cover-art of the western movies they are pirating. Isn't it much more work than just stealing the artwork off the internet?
Seems like an awful lot of work to me.
Posted by: Shanghai Joe at 20 August 2006 10:54 AM | Link to comment
No wonder you get all those good AA Grade Piracy goods from China. They really go all the way in ensuring customer satisfaction.
Posted by: Michael at 20 August 2006 11:42 AM | Link to comment
omgwtfbbqcharkwayteow. fking GENIUS!
Posted by: yeeth at 20 August 2006 1:49 PM | Link to comment
CRUS of the ADERS even has the same fonts as LORD of the RINGS! Probably a mix and match of a few movie covers!
Posted by: midori at 20 August 2006 3:54 PM | Link to comment
It was funny to read this blog entry. I came here from an Indonesian blog and found out that your entry about DVD made in China was hillarious. Did u buy any of that DVD?
Posted by: Lilia at 20 August 2006 7:15 PM | Link to comment
That "crusaders" cover looked like Karl Urban face being photoshopped into Orlando Bloom's body.
Posted by: I'm A Chicken With No Name. BWAK BWAK BWAK! at 23 August 2006 6:33 PM | Link to comment
I've seen all these dvds in Raffles City Shanghai basement......
only way to describe it is
TIC
THIS IS CHINA
Posted by: Gazza at 24 August 2006 10:12 AM | Link to comment
it's funny to see hsu chi head in keira's body :p
Posted by: kelly at 28 August 2006 5:56 AM | Link to comment
geez u make everyone laugh
keep it up its really funny
Posted by: Denise at 28 August 2006 6:22 PM | Link to comment
Hahah... Wow, being in Shanghai for 2 years now, I never realised there's so many "weird" movies on... Maybe that's because most of the movies we watched are simply downloaded... =P
Posted by: aileen sew at 28 August 2006 8:08 PM | Link to comment
those copy cat in china, your country has 5000yrs history that everyone boost, why be a copy cat boh, china got multi million boobs, dont tell there is no big boobs and leng chai? but i know you wana make quick money but tell you wat, you also destroy your country lah! short sighted! bae ta han!!
Posted by: jerry at 30 August 2006 7:12 PM | Link to comment
Hi. Do you know about “ English teacher in Shanghai”
There is have a blog called Sex in Shanghai in which a Western guy tells about all his exploits with Chinese women here in Shanghai. (That blog is still #1 on the “hottest blogs” list on the CBL, but it now seems to be inaccessible.) Since then, the Chinese have found out about the blog, and they are (understandably) pissed.
Bristol Chinese Pain relief Acupuncture
www.backachetherapy.co.uk
Posted by: chinadoctor at 03 September 2006 8:14 PM | Link to comment
for the 2nd pic:
great "Sex education" and "parental guide"...
haha...
Posted by: JohnWong at 03 September 2006 11:10 PM | Link to comment
CRUS of the ADERS.
Omg that killed me. HAHAHAHAHAHAH.
Posted by: Jacqueline at 23 September 2006 12:12 AM | Link to comment
bla bla bla... i wanted to giv comments...but when i read until here, i 4gotten everything..LOL... sry then... kenny sia...hmm.. nt bad writter tho...jus dat certain parts r kinda lame.. not bad after all...
Posted by: lalala~ at 28 September 2006 10:00 PM | Link to comment
this is intresting :D
Posted by: erwhey at 19 May 2007 7:35 PM | Link to comment
I am going to Shanghai soon, I wonder can I find any Hong Kong Series (speaking in Cantonese) compressed DVD tape in Shanghai? If can, Please tell me the places?
Posted by: simon at 22 August 2007 11:46 AM | Link to comment
hey..there's people said it creativity???
hahaha...bad creativity.i think it's good if we called that star is shu qi knightley
Posted by: River at 22 August 2007 1:01 PM | Link to comment
The lost world does exist but i duno y dey use tis cover....
Posted by: Richie at 18 October 2007 11:37 PM | Link to comment
com
